December 2011
2 posts
September 2011
1 post
List of serial killers by country →
What to do on a saturday night after a long day out in the heat? Time to look at this, apparently. More important than getting ready to teach on Tuesday.
August 2011
3 posts
How To Talk To Little Girls →
Just read this article that made me feel like the worst teacher/person ever for complimenting my students on their hair/nails/clothes! But I compliment them more when they do their homework and ask smart questions so maybe I’m ok.
Anyone who ever has to communicate with little girls should read this because this is why there are 11-year-olds with eating disorders and why girls would rather...
June 2011
2 posts
blerrrrgh
now i remember why i stopped using tumblr.
#1) because i got a life
#2) because i was afraid of being found on the internet by students
#3) BECAUSE I JUST WASTED MY ENTIRE NIGHT LOOKING AT NOTHING. literally, what did i gain from this?! nothing! i have a pile of marking and instead i looked at animated gifs of puppies.
but hey summer’s coming so what do i care. TWO MONTHS OFF. and also...
March 2011
1 post
it's been really forever
but i needed to let this out…11 days until moving day! so excited i could burst.
September 2010
1 post
August 2010
1 post
no time like the present.
since i haven’t posted anything in 500 years, now is the best time to come back with a RIDICULOUS STORY.
i woke up this morning with a fat lip. FROM A PIMPLE.
my upper lip is swollen as if i have been punched on one side of my mouth. i now know what i would look like if i ever got botox. on one side of one lip.
and how would i look? LIKE AN IDIOT.
i’m so angry. maybe by the end of...
July 2010
6 posts
“You should never wash your hands because then you will have more germs than...”
– seb thorne (david thorne’s son) i had never heard of david thorne until today and now i am just going to read his entire blog all night because it is the most hilarious thing i have ever seen. you should read it and join me in my laughter.
June 2010
14 posts
protest
facebook is really interfering with my right to be ignorant about people having no rights during the G20 summit. also it has taken away my right to ignore the world cup.
i’m going to peacefully protest facebook. pretty soon this will mean blocking everyone’s news feed except about 10 people.
1 tag
i'm so nervous that...
i have been contemplating the availability of valium all day
my mom suggested i have a glass of wine to “cool down” tmrw morning
i have screamed into a pillow
i think i just grew three pimples
i can’t even think about sleeping
i may projectile vomit
don’t worry i’m not accidentally pregnant or anything stupid like that. just not ready to curse this potential...
1 tag
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
why must i re-install windows and wipe out my hard drive every month??????? whatever, i have my computer back for now. although it would be really nice if one day someone was like “hey melissa, i think you deserve to win a free computer or ipad or iphone or the lottery because you have the worst luck with technology ever.” thank you to kurt, even though he won’t see this, because...
“I don’t really think about my eyelashes unless I’m lighting a...”
– an awesome girl who didn’t make it on Last Comic Standing. i’m a late-bloomer with this show but i kinda like it.
Woman killed by lightning at Max Patch minutes... →
“I put the ring on her finger while the EMTs were working on her,” he said. “They are listing me as her fiancé in the obituaries.” i’m fairly sure this is one of the saddest stories i’ve ever heard. like a nicholas sparks movie without any cancer.
May 2010
6 posts
Firefox tool erases Justin Bieber from Web | The... →
“The tool, dubbed Shaved Bieber, evaluates any page a person is browsing and censors all mentions of the teen idol. It works on every site, from Twitter to Google to Wikipedia. People can even go to his personal home page and watch as every mention of Bieber is blocked out.”
Does someone mind extending this tool? So that every time I turn on the TV, I don’t have to hear Baby or...
“She’s fully marketing her body/sexuality; she’s just doing it while wearing,...”
– Joanna Newsom on Lady Gaga
(via)
1 tag
PLEASE STOP BELIEVING
who else is fucking OVER hearing journey all the time? i am so so so so SO over it. i cannot even begin to describe how over it i am. but i am about to. because it’s my blog and, more importantly, my dumping ground for rants.
flashback to 2006: karaoke sessions in my living room. favourites include mariah carey, biggie, puff daddy and mase, and boston (more than a feeling, duh). and motley...
April 2010
8 posts
i'm not dead
turns out teaching a bunch of 9-year-olds is pretty tiring.
one week left until sweet sweet unemployment (and by sweet i mean awful times infinity — give me a job?)
maybe will never say this again
but i am totally tired of seeing all the annoying shit people do on facebook.
deletion to approach? perhaps.
“The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion...”
– - Jean Sorensen, Herndon
Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays
these are TOOO good. i wish i could have been as clever as these (possibly fake?) students, just to see what mark i would have gotten.
Urban Dictionary: stronzo →
what i am truly learning from my practicum - how to integrate italian curse words into my everyday life. my AT calls everyone a stronzo. or cretino. i LOOOVE it.
she is literally adriana from sopranos. it’s hilarious. i wish i could do a split screen of the two so badly, but here is a picture of adriana so you can imagine her being a teacher and saying “stronzo” about bad...
ALLERGIES:
- guinea pigs
- justin bieber
i felt so bad for my sisters’ little guinea pig because she has bladder stones and is all sad and whimpery. so when i saw she had exited the guinea pig igloo (this is a real thing), i decided to play with her.
followed by RASHFEST 2010
followed by hearing some new justin bieber song on tv
following by sneezes and itchy throat
followed by the realization...
Scrabble's "rule change" gives purists the vapors... →
PROPER NOUNS!! i can finally use proper nouns!!
who wants to play? i will ruin you as usual but this time the rules will back me up (and i won’t have to use my old strategy - argue about the validity of a word long enough to wear you down).
March 2010
30 posts
HOME
i am home FINALLY!
realized: i own too much stuff. too much clothing. too many shoes. i wear NONE of it. i’ve survived without most of it for the past 8 months, so i’m throwing it all out (sell, donate, whatever) in the next two months.
not rid of the excess clothing yet but SO SO happy to be rid of my foolish french roommate, who melted my spatula and claimed that she owned my...
The Eight Types of People to Unfollow on Twitter... →
personal fave: THE FISHER
These are the people whose low self-esteem needs to be bolstered by other people wanting to know the details of their life. “I just feel like crying right now” or “You’re never going to believe what I just bought!” or “Can’t wait to tell everyone the big news.” People who say vague and leading things like that want...
“Instead of getting all twisted out of shape, it might have been better to simply...”
– HELLLOOOOO PEOPLE. you shoulda heard the controversy in school today. calm down lovelies. if you ignore her, she will go away, i promise.
CBC News - World - The poop on Ann Coulter
“And isn’t it ironic that it takes a provocative American coming to Canada to...”
– Ann Coulter’s speech in Ottawa cancelled - The Globe and Mail
fucking ann coulter. one person i would like to see disappear into a country with no media coverage.
another gem: “I’m guessing the scores to get into the University of Ottawa are not very challenging.”
i’m not in love...
2 tags
